STEPS TO BECOME HAPPIER AND SOCIALLY SUCCESSFUL IN THE U.S.
he kids upstairs began running around at 5 in the morning, you open the fridge and notice you were out of milk, your spouse still wants the breakfast ready in 2 minutes, you’re stuck in morning commute, and you’re late for work. Yes, we get it. You’re pretty much worn out before the workday even starts. We all have those days.
Then, you sit at the desk for hours pretending to be a good friend of the coworker you actually want to just shut up, go out for an overpriced lunch that was mediocre at best, you do another few hours of the work that you think is pointless, your back hurts by the time you get home through the evening commute, you decide to microwave some frozen meal, and then have a phone call with a friend to say you’re getting fat.
YES! WE GOT IT! YOU HAD A PRETTY BAD DAY! NOW, CHILL!
We all have the days when nothing seems to work out, and it’s okay to feel that way and ask a friend for some emotional help once in a while. If this is you five days of the week though and all you talk about is how miserable your life is, we might know exactly why you’re not making much friends or why all your followers gradually disappear on social network.
We’ll walk through with you some of the characters to your becoming a successful person in the U.S. with friends you can smile and laugh with. Not that all Americans are the most perfect people we’re about to describe, but you’ll probably notice common traits among the people who others tend to love and are successful in both their work/academics and personal life.
1. Go Easy on the Negativity
We understand that life gets difficult from time to time. So does everyone else’s. When everyone around you is going through problems of their own, the last thing you want to do is to have them worry about yours.
If you are having problems at home or work from time to time, it’s okay to talk with your friends about it for some advice, but if you notice yourself only talking about the hardships you find in life, all you’re really doing is complaining. You’re perhaps seeking for some sympathy and you will receive some kind words in return, but do realize that your listener is not chiming into a beneficial or an engaging conversation.
When you’re desperate to share about the morning commute misery that most likely everyone else in the office felt, do so in a humorous manner that will at least kick off everyone’s day with some laughter. There’s no need to simply remind them of what they hate as much as you do.
At the times when nothing comical comes to mind, share some information that could benefit others so that they could use them as ideas when they find themselves in a similar situation. You might not go as far to finding a solution to eliminate the morning rush hour (if you do, your state’s D.O.T. would want to hire you for a generous salary), but you can always talk about a song you’ve discovered on the radio or something you learned from a podcast while you were sitting in traffic.
2. Keep Your Home Matters Home Matters
If you bring out all the negativity you can think of to the public, you’re most likely doing the same at home. If the kids are not doing the homework, ask yourself if you’ve been consistently approaching your kids in an encouraging manner and came up with all the motivational and inspiring methods you could think of. If you were only telling them to do their homework time after time, or worse, have been criticizing them for their laziness, you’ve probably done nothing more than lowering their motivation level. Reward them for the times they do good instead of taking away for the times they don’t. We were all a child at some point, and we should all remember well what we liked and what we didn’t.
Is your spouse, college roommate, or sibling not living up to your standards? Understand that as much as you want them to do the things around the house, they want you to take care of the chores. When you’ve told them to do the laundry seven times and they still haven’t, chances are, they won’t move a finger on your eighth attempt. Instead of trying to make them do the entire chore or take turns doing it, invite them to do it together. It’ll probably work better than rambling for hours about how much you do, how much you’re stressed out, how much you have going on… you get the picture.
Bringing your home matters outside the home won’t really benefit anyone including yourself. You’re pretty much talking in the back of the people you love the most (or should love the most at least) while you’re giving away hints that you lack people skills.
Yet, you’ll find times that you’ll desperately need a helping hand to give you some possible solutions. Go on some online forums because chances are, plenty of others are wearing the same shoes as yours. What makes anonymous online forums different from posting endless questions on your social media is that only the people who are seeking the solutions or have come up with some will be searching for that specific topic. When you do it on your Facebook or Twitter, you’ll be publicly shaming both your home-mates and yourself while your audience will be reading complaints they probably didn’t want to see.
3. Find Solutions
Just as you would do for your home matters, try to find solutions for the other matters before you begin the endless rants. If your upstairs neighbors wake you up at 5 in the morning, have you tried earplugs, (politely) requested the neighbors to tone down a bit, addressed the issue to the community manager, and then brought the issue up to the authorities? If all of the above failed, we’ll give you a one time pass to go complain. You might hear a reply from a realtor who happened to hear in on your conversation and will be more than eager to show you a new home 
Simply talking about your concerns and having people listen to your story can ease off your stress to some extent. We understand. Still, what you’re doing is transferring the stress from you to the listener. There are so many professional counselors that are trained to advise you if you need the help. Your friends are not those people. If they are, that is their profession they make a living out of, and offer them appropriate compensation for their time.
4. Have an Opinion
Americans are known to speak their minds. Our First Amendment guarantees our right to free speech, and we aren’t afraid to use it. We are brought up that way since grade school.
People will often ask you why or how to invite you to express yourself. Have an opinion of your own and address your thoughts not only because you heard it somewhere but because you sincerely feel that way.
At the same time, a right to free speech doesn’t mean that you should speak out everything that comes to mind. If you think of a hateful comment towards someone or something, it’s probably better to keep it to yourself and replace it with something positive or encouraging to comment on instead.
Read our article “What NOT to Say in the United States” on the list of things that are better left unmentioned by clicking here.
There will certainly be the times in which you’ll hear pessimistic comments from Americans, but you’d probably rather look up to role models who share the beauty in the world. Don’t mix up the people who are standing up for their own and their peers’ rights by addressing problems and are calling for a change though. It is one thing to comment solely on the things you dislike; it is another to make suggestions.
5. Don’t Correct Others’ Mistakes
We’ve all seen the spelling police correcting the use of “your/you’re,” “their/there/they’re,” and “to/too/two” with a friendly little asterisk. It was probably Siri that decided to type it wrong or they just made a careless error. They’ll know the rules if they think of it, and if they don’t after every other person correcting them over decades, your attempt won’t really make a difference either. Instead, pay attention to the context of what the person is trying to portray, and find the parts you can agree with.
When you come across a spelling error in a professional writer’s work once in a while, it could be kind gesture to let them know nicely. No, taking a screenshot of their writing and yelling out “XYZ NEWS HAD A TYPOOOOOO!!!” is not letting them know of the error “nicely;” sending them a friendly courtesy email could be.
There are often more than one right way to do something, so keep in mind that “your correct” is not necessarily “the correct.”
6. Be Confident Without Looking Down Upon Others
Everyone needs some degree of self-confidence. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of your accomplishments. Be happy for what you have. At the same time, appreciate and respect the people around you for who they are.
The cliche, “likes attract,” isn’t said for no reason. People could agree to hateful comments, but notice that the people who agree to such are the ones with hateful opinions themselves. You don’t want to become one of them. If someone could make a hateful comment against someone else, they won’t be scared to make one against you when the time comes. Surround yourself in people who inspire and love others.
7. Trust Others
You know the signs when something seems wrong. A car drives into the parking spot for the disabled, and a person who seems perfectly capable steps out. The first thing we’d want to do is to yell out, “that spot is not for you!” and think that we are being good Samaritans. That could be the case most of the times, but also bear in mind that there may be the times when the driver simply forgot to hang up the dedicated placard, could be going through a life-threatening emergency, or going through a condition that’s not obvious to our bare eyes. If you’re going to question someone, think twice of all the possibilities, and know it wouldn’t hurt to approach them nicely without yelling out right off the bat.
We wouldn’t want to find ourselves in trouble by trusting all the scams out there, but we wouldn’t want to always filter everyone through lenses of infinite doubt either. Often times when you are in doubt, it’s better to simply walk away without having them explain a story that may be “TMI: Too Much Information” for anyone to talk about.
8. Be Available
Make it seem like you are at least. Notice that a lot of successful people won’t dump to your ears a list of all the things they have to do. Telling people of the infinite things you have on your to-do-list could work effectively to politely shoo away those you don’t want to deal with, but advertising that you have more on your plate to handle could mean not hearing from the people who you actually want to hear from. If you don’t respond, most people will understand that you’re busy. Simply reply the next time you’re available. You won’t miss out on the opportunities.
9. Be Giving
You might not need to spare every penny you have on you, but don’t expect to have everyone do favors for you all the time with nothing in return. You will receive when you give, and you should give when you receive. Americans act quickly when they find strangers in despair. If there’s a natural disaster, we’ll see people getting on crowdfunds instantly. You’ll find others sharing information inviting everyone to join spreading the support.
If you find the troubled when you’re in a position trying to make ends meet yourself, offer words of encouragement or show them your best smile which leads us to our last piece of the advice for the day…
10. Wear a Smile
American smile at strangers whether we’re at the cash register or have that random moment when our eyes meet with the eyes of someone walking our way on the sidewalk. Sure, there will be the days when you won’t feel like it, but rather than trying to carry off the bad days in frowns, put on the best smile you can because that’s the best look anyone can have on their face.
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